So awful, in fact, that I'm using that embarrassing realization--along with the chagrin-based motivation I've developed thanks to the constant reminders to post from a certain Katelyn Larkin the past few weeks--to get myself to finally write in here again. So thanks for your persistent and perpetual prodding. It is appreciated.
The title of this post indicates the "downside" of not doing what you're supposed to do when you're supposed to do it, and I can tell you that there have definitely been downsides to going without blogging for 4 weeks.
First downside? Well, it's taken FOREVER to write what little I've already written. It's like my mind has forgotten how to think about these things, like I've lost my ability to reflect on life.
On top of the fact that it's been 4 weeks since I last blogged, it's been 1 full week since I last exercised. Now, for some of you I'm sure that doesn't mean much, but for me, going even two or three days without running can throw me into a funk. So a full week without exercise is just an unequivocally bad thing.
So what's the big deal with a slightly-emptier-than-it-might-have-been blog and a pair of slightly-less-in-shape-than-they-might-have-been legs? Well, two things:
1. As hinted at, when I don't do something for a while, it makes me worse at it. It's kind of a "use it or lose it" type of situation. I don't use my brain to reflect, and my brain becomes much less able to reflect the next time I try to use it to do that a month later. I don't run and the next time I run I feel less nimble and agile. Don't remind me that tomorrow morning I'm getting up at 5am to run my 12 mile long run for the week. I'm trusting my legs haven't atrophied that much in a week.
2. I briefly mentioned when talking about how I haven't run in a week that I fall into a funk when I don't run for as little as two or three days. While potentially a seemingly extravagant statement, I've actually found it to be pretty true. This probably isn't the way that it's supposed to be, but I feel anxious and stressed and easily frustrated and flustered when I don't run for several days. Additionally, I'm much less socially and interpersonally adept and less able to navigate the intricacies of conversational structure when engaging with other people. I don't know why that last sentence was written in such a fancy way, but maybe it's because my mind is starting to come back. Regardless, what I mean to say is simply that I'm not as good at interacting with others when I don't run. I'm less friendly. I'm less confident. I'm less relaxed and at ease. All of which add up to a less-than-ideal Chris.
So after writing all of this, the logical question to ask would be: why don't you just do it then? Why didn't I run for a week? Why haven't I blogged in almost a month?
Simply enough, it's because I didn't prioritize them.
I've discovered that at the end of a long day of sitting in front of my computer at work, I'm not exactly interested in spending an hour in front of my computer at home typing up a blog post.
When my alarm wakes me up at 5am so I can run, I sometimes find myself--not surprisingly--more interested in getting a few extra hours of shut eye than in putting in a few miles in my running shoes. It doesn't make it any more enticing that during this time of year, 5am tends to be very dark, and very cold.
And while the only examples I've used have been blogging and running, there are countless other examples that I want to do but don't and am not better off as a result. Reading the fifteen books I've started and never finished? Catching up with the many friends I have fallen out of touch with? Learning something interesting and new? Exploring any one of several unfamiliar places in Baltimore? The list goes on.
These are things that I'd like to do, but I just "don't have the time." Well, truth of the matter is, I ALWAYS have the time, I just don't prioritize that time in such a way that what ends up getting done is what I wanted to use the time for in the first place. And my attempt at prioritization tends to manifest in making a schedule, but a schedule isn't any good when you don't follow it. And my problem is that I am much more enticed by the appeal of each moment than I am committed to being loyal to my meticulously-crafted calendar.
At this point, this post is getting long, and because of my out-of-practice brain, it has been quite the agonizing journey for me just making it this far. So rather than delving into an analysis of how I can solve my problem of uncontrollable spontaneity with a healthy dose of organization, I'm going to cut it short and begin blogging about a topic I am more interested in blogging about.
Before I move on, however, I want to reference this book I read a few years ago, called The Power of Full Engagement. Here's a quick Amazon link for those interested:
The book posits that it's important to have structure in your life... that it's to build routine and rituals into your lifestyle. I completely agree. Think of how it becomes easier to wake up early when you practice going to bed at 9:30pm every night. While yes, it's going to be hard to fall asleep the first time, after a while you get used to it, and it becomes easier. Same thing with eating 3 meals a day. Who says you're supposed to eat breakfast, lunch and dinner? Well, we're used to eating "3 square meals a day" so we do. Now it's routine... our day is built around those meals (I have an hour blocked off every day from noon to 1 pm for lunch).
So maybe the solution, which I'm realizing I said that I wouldn't get into three paragraphs ago, is simply to build more routine into my life. To make a point of getting up in the morning and then meditating before I do anything else. To block off half an hour before my projected sleep time and make myself read at that point. It's hard to start, but if I can manage to start, it will become easier with time. And since my projected sleep time tonight is 9pm, I guess the fact that it's 8:30pm means I better end this post and get reading!
